A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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