ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
