you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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