the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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