You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
