no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
