My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
