Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
