I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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