I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
