thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
