my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
