even my farts smell like vagina
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
