Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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