I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
