That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
