as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
