I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
