At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
