Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
