I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
