Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
