That's when you crack a 10am beer
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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