I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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