I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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