I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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