our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
