In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
