I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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