It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
