Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
