thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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