that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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