Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
