I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
