Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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