i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
