just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
