Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
