Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
