yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
