I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
