I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Pooping to opera.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
