i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I want to fling myself into the sun
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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