Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
