I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
