Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
