tell your sister to shave her snatch
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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