She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
