Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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